Grief Loss : Are You an ‘Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Child of the 50s’?
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Are You an ‘Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Child of the 50s’? none In a wonderful article “The Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Children of the 50s,” authors Chuck and Sue, children of the 50s, do a good job of explaining why their generation is, as they put it, angry, in a crisis stage no one understands, and ... Grief And The Holidays Publishing Guidelines: You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the resource box is included with a live link to my site. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated. ... The Art Of Balancing An Unequal Life Study the best seller lists of the past few years and you'll notice titles that range from Peter Lynch's "Beating the Street" to Thomas Moore's "Care of the Soul: How to Find Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life." This juxtaposition captures the dilemma ...
Are You an ‘Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Child of the 50s’?
In a wonderful article The Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Children of the 50s, authors Chuck and Sue, children of the 50s, do a good job of explaining why their generation is, as they put it, angry, in a crisis stage no one understands, and disillusioned and out of sorts at times. Their explanations are is this all there is?, inflation, expectations v. reality, health-care costs, etc., and the realization that for most, retirement will come in the 70s if at all. (Incidentally this latter statement, is particularly 50s because children of the 40s didnt grow up with the concept of retirement. Fathers died with their boots on. Today its you sleep when you die. In the 40s, you retire when you die.) Its a great article for looking at the downside, and they even left out being the Sandwich Generation teenagers on one side, aging parents on the other. HOWEVER, since I coach people in midlife transition, Id like to put forth a different point of view. Midlife is a crisis, and as such its full of danger and opportunity. The lifestage needing to be negotiated at this time is resolution, and pulls hard on EQ competencies such as resilience, optimism and authenticity. Resilience means bouncing back from failures and losses and remaining optimistic about the future, i.e., not bitter, cynical. Resolution means reclaiming whats been lost, which is YOU after all those years of obligations and responsibility. I never talk to a client of any age, sex or culture who hasnt had adversity. And sweet are the uses of adversity. The bad news is, the only way we can learn resilience is by going through hard times. The good news is, there will always be opportunity to learn it. Are my midlife clients grumpy and angry? Rarely, because grumpy and angry people dont seek coaching. Healthy people seek coaching. Some are confused, initially, and discouraged, but eventually theyre revitalized and about as happy as they decide to be. They reclaim their life, rediscover who they are, reconnect with innate talents, change what they can and master living with what they cant, and enhance emotional intelligence competencies for the next shot at life theyre about to get. It can involve grief and tears the baby that will never be is one thing that cant be remedied. Most other things missed can be retrofitted, or blessed and laid to rest. So what if you didnt make colonel? Life goes on. Are they worried about money? How could you not if thats all youre thinking about? I call it the Ill be eating catfood at 80 syndrome, particularly common in single middle-aged women. It can paralyze you. Even Oprah has it. Does that strike you as ludicrous? Thats the lesson: you can catastrophize if you want to. What goes on in your head is your choice. Personally, I agree with the writer who said he wasnt very good at worrying, and to trust that it would be a phone call on some normal Thursday afternoon that changes your life forever. Whatever youre worrying about, its likely to be not
that, but something you couldnt conceive of. We only THINK were good at worrying. But then do you really want to master that? What are my children-of-the-50s clients up to? Pat did a crash and burn. Trashed a business and a marriage. Now, at 50, hes successful and content. You can hear it in his voice. What did he do? Quit drinking, and got serious about creating the kind of life hed actually want to live. I tell people I have no opinion on that whatsoever, he tells me in his relaxed voice. Tom decided to quit running the world, and running from the world, and just enjoy it. Marsela is finishing college, finally, after 4 attempts. With accountability coaching, and work on intentionality, she is about to master lifelong issues involving commitment, closure, and perseverance. Shes excited, wouldnt you be? Ed is baling from a field he hates. He finally heard what the migraines and ulcer were trying to tell him. He took the StrengthsFinder profile and was amazed at the results. He became curious about himself and his life again. Now he's playing (a key trait in resilience) with the possibility of enjoying what he does for a living for a change. Cai-lin is creatively figuring out how to live on less so she can indulge her passion for painting. She told me, Ive explored what money can buy. Once the basics are met, not much. Im going to try something different. Jzuliahna was angry and grumpy when she started coaching. The first task was to get her in touch with the fact that she was choosing to be angry and grumpy, and her life choices were enforcing this: poor diet, no exercise, pessimism, and toxic relationships. She's benefiting from The EQ Foundation Course. Lionel is on antidepressants. He suffered a major episode when his wife ran off with his best friend. He isnt working, which may be the real issue, because the wife who left him was also supporting him. If not the real issue, its one that can be remedied. Lionel needs to stay on antidepressants, quit taking his emotional temperature all the time, and get back to work. How else can you build self-esteem? He says, Its a miracle Im alive today. Adversity isnt a competition, and everythings relative, but Id like to introduce Lionel to Hilary. Her teenager died in an accident, their marriage couldnt sustain the tragedy, she got down-sized, and then lost half her retirement in the stock market. And Id like to introduce her to Stephen Hawking Itzhak Perlman. Id like to close with this challenge: If youre a child of the 50s whos grumpy and angry, why have you chosen to be this way, and what do you plan to do about it? About the Author Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here.
